


Tell 'Em My Fucks Ain't Comin' Back

by noctiscorvus



Category: Firefly, Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: F/M, Gen, seriously. if you want this world its yours, this is up for adoption, while i love saying gorram the AH boys won't settle for anything but their fucks and dicks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-10-06 05:54:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17339792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noctiscorvus/pseuds/noctiscorvus
Summary: An Achievement Hunter/RT crossover into the Firefly 'verse.There's a whole damn big 'Verse full of people out there and Geoff still somehow manages to end up with the idiots.





	Tell 'Em My Fucks Ain't Comin' Back

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't posted anything in years and then I go and post something I wrote years ago for a fandom I dropped out of pretty much after writing it (well, sort of, I moved on from AH to FH).  
> The reason? Cleaning out the desktop folders and it's amusing enough even if it'll never go beyond this.

Geoff captains the Hunter and her crew of seemingly ragtag idiots.  
Well, they **are** idiots, but they work well together, smuggling goods and tripping up the Alliance whenever they can, sticking it to The Man.

  
Ryan is there to make sure their home has wings to fly on and has fiddled with the on-board weapons and systems enough that no one would be surprised if Hunter developed a mind of her own and shot them all to kingdom come. The man is a little insane, but he's the best damn engineer out there so Geoff is willing to overlook the mooing noises coming from Ryan's big box in the hold with 'Edgar' scribbled across it.

Plus Gavin likes to feed the damn thing and if he's busy feeding it, he isn't tripping over his own two feet and breaking the ship.  
Which Geoff finds ironic because the lad seemingly has no control over his god-given limbs (or the dumb shit that comes out his mouth), but in the pilot seat, he can take any bucket of bolts and make it the most graceful thing in the sky, slipping through asteroid fields with ease that shouldn't look so natural.

Ray's the youngest, but sometimes has this look in his eyes that speaks of decades under his belt. He can fire any gun and get a bull's eye nearly every time and can handle melee weapons with grace. If only he'd stop pimping his gear in atrocious colours and saying 'yolo' every fucking time they're being shot at.  
Which is a lot, so fuck yolo.

Michael drives their land transport and is considered the muscle man, mainly because he can intimidate the fuck out of nearly everyone and isn't half bad in a fight.  
Boy's got some steel balls and a mouth that makes mothers across the 'Verse reach for the soap.  
  
Jack is second-in-command, been with Geoff since the Hunter started flying.  
Most level-headed of the lot, he digs up the numbers and codes for new jobs and is the sole reason they ain't walking back from every meet'n'greet with bullet holes in them.  
That ain't saying he isn't one to be feared should you cross him.  
  
Caleb's the doctor, or what passes for one on the backwater planet he paid them to take him from.  
He's got the basics down, but sometimes Geoff's sure the kid has no fucking clue what he's doing half the time.  
Still, no one's died yet.  
  
Well, no one that wasn't meant to.  
  
Then there's Lindsay, who handles cargo, works with Jack to make sure they ain't gonna starve out there and rides along with Michael into towns to pick up supplies or goods.  
That those rides have started taking more time than necessary, no one mentions (Gavin does but, yeah, Gavin.) as long as it ain't happening in the corridors or mess.  
Geoff is also pretty sure she's snuck some furball on board, but no one is saying a word and he begrudgingly has to appreciate her smuggling skills, which are better than the rest of the crew combined even though they've been working this game longer than the lady.  
  
And Geoff, well, Geoff's an old dog of war not quite ready to lie down and be put out of his misery. Misery he has lots of.  
He recalls once telling Jack a couple months after the war had officially been lost, over a bottle of old whiskey, that he's barely functioning, not even sure what he's waking up for anymore.  
Only to take on a new crew member the next day.  
And then a couple weeks later the next and then two at once and fuck if he knows where it went so horribly wrong.  
Because this group of misfits might sound good on file (Joel has assured him the entire Hunter crew has lovely red flags in their Alliance files) but it's really amazing that they haven't blow their own ship up on accident by the end of the day.  
Half of the time the crew has either no idea what they're supposed to be doing, or knows damn well what but is 'too busy' doing other shit that Geoff decidedly said not to do.

They argue about nearly everything, and even if it's not serious, it's still fucking loud.   
They tackle and fight each other on the catwalks with the shitty railings, throw energy bars at unsuspecting faces (which is really a slightly better use for the nasty things but Geoff won't tell them that), say the most inappropriate things at the worse fucking times and often act like it's all some fucking game to them.

The crew is insane. Geoff is insane for letting them onboard.  
Anyone who hires the Hunter is insane.  
But thankfully there's alcohol a-plenty and Rooster's Teeth, a shitty town run by some friends from the Independents, that's practically their dirtside home.

And okay, maybe Geoff wouldn't trade his crew in for a nice retirement home somewhere warm.

 

Doesn't mean they're not still idiots.


End file.
